


How do I live without the pair of you

by Dabberdees



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, F/F, I picked Blackpool because in a video on youtube about Graham, M/M, Minor Character Death, The Original Male Character is an idea from another fic, allude to aids, bi!graham, bi!ryan, it was mentioned that he lived there at some point
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-24 07:12:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17096159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dabberdees/pseuds/Dabberdees
Summary: Ryan looks at the calendar and sighs, truth be told he's completely forgotten. He knew something was up when Graham kept counting down the days of June, getting increasingly anxious as it ticked down. He’s only just remembered that Graham took a trip over to Blackpool every July, the last few times his Nan going with him.A short piece where Graham remembers someone he lost before he fell for Grace. Bi!Graham.





	How do I live without the pair of you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [couragetofight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/couragetofight/gifts).



> This idea actually came from another fic on here by couragetofight. The actual idea came together today so I quickly wrote it all down.

Graham is stood in his kitchen, staring at the calendar hanging on the wall by the fridge. He moves towards it and slowly changes it from June to the dreaded July and exhales before resting his forehead against the cool fridge, wishing that it could be any other month.

Ryan spots Graham's weary form and a frown of concern graces his features. “Grandad? You alright?” He asked gently while stepping closer.

Graham lazily removes his head and looks at Ryan. “It’s July 1st, mate. You know how I get around this blasted month,” said Graham, spitting out the word month with venom and turning around to lean against the countertop. “I’m not good around July, as you know, and your Nan.” he takes a shaky breath “...well, she helped make the last few July’s bearable and now she isn’t here, and the pain comes back again.” he gestures to his chest. “It’s been thirty-three years and I still can’t let him go. If I can’t handle July after thirty-three years, what am I going to be like when it’s October, after only one?” rambles Graham, tears forming in his eyes.

Ryan looks at the calendar and sighs, truth be told he’s completely forgot. He knew something was up when his grandad kept counting down the days of June, getting increasingly anxious as it trickled down. Wincing and feeling rough that he never connected the dots together. After all he and his Nan, they both knew of the man that Graham loved and his Nan accepted that he’ll never stop loving him because she knew Graham held enough love in his heart to love two at the same time. In the end she ending up loving the man that Graham still grieved.

Removing his eyes from the calendar now, he turns back to Graham.“You going to Blackpool today?”

Graham gives a slight nod, his eyes staring at the far wall.

“I’m sure Yaz and the Doctor won’t mind if I skip out on them, I can go with you if you want,” suggested Ryan.

Graham looks at Ryan and smiles sadly. “I… I think it might be better if I go by myself today, I’ve got a lot to tell him and It won’t be fun for you,” said Graham, appreciating the offer. “Go with Yaz and the Doc, I’ll be, well not fine, but I’ll deal with it, always did before your Nan.”

“Will you ever tell them, I mean Yaz and the Doc?” questioned Ryan, quietly. “They will ask why you aren’t coming today and I know they’ll be worried. I won’t tell them the reason, about him and you,” reassured Ryan.

“You know, you and Yaz, you’re free to be who you are in this day, sorta, I know it’s not perfect but it’s better than it was before. I lived through 1988, Section 28 they called it and before that, that evil disease, the one that took my world from me. The one that took a generation from _Us_.” said Graham, drawing out the use of Us. They stay in silence for a moment, remembering those who died, those who were demonised for something pure.

“You know, I have something. It never occurred to me until today.” Graham muttered and he looks back up at Ryan. “The day was perfect, my first time to an event like that, with people like me. Of course, people protested but overall it was a fantastic day, even if I was hesitant. We were free to hold hands, free to be close in public like we were in our house, free to call each other partner and not have to say me and my ' _friend_ '.” said Graham, reaching into his front pocket and pulling out an old photo and handing it over to Ryan. “That’s one of the few pictures I have of us together. We never could afford a camera, he kept borrowing our friends.”

Ryan turns the photo over and looks at it. On the photo is a younger version of Graham, smiling and looking into the eyes of another young man. “It’s funny though, it’s only now, travelling with the Doc, that I even remember the people that he asked to take our picture, the woman who actually took it.” he pauses “You should ask the Doc to take you to Blackpool, June 15th, 1984,” said Graham, looking into Ryan’s eyes, sincerely.

Ryan looks at the picture one more time, taking note of the Blackpool tower in the background, before handing it back to Graham. “June 15th, 1984, Blackpool, got it,” said Ryan.

After a moment Graham takes his tired eyes from Ryan and returns them to that blasted calendar on the wall.

“I’m not sure I could ever tell Yaz and the Doc, but I can show them, and you, son. Show them him and why I loved him as much as I loved Grace,” said Graham. “I have to go to the train station, I’ll see you later. Alright,” promised Graham. He brushes past Ryan, heading towards the front door and leaving without another word.

* * *

Ryan leaves not long after that, heading towards the Doctor’s TARDIS and as he enters, he sees the Doctor and Yaz squabbling over who'll get the last biscuit and he smiles to himself. They turn and jump apart and he raises an eyebrow, a smirk clear on his face. Yaz gives him a narrowed eyed look while the Doctor looks around him with a frown.

“Where’s Graham?” asked The Doctor, puzzled.

“He’s not coming today, he’s got something to do.” explained Ryan.

Yaz hearing this furrows her brow. “We’re in a Time Machine, can he not do it after?” questioned Yaz.

“No, it's important, and... he wants to show you something,” said Ryan, turning to face The Doctor. “He said that I should ask you to take us to Blackpool, June 15th, 1984.” explained Ryan. He has a feeling where this is going from the brief details that Graham gave him but it’s not his place to tell the rest of the Fam. It's Graham's right and he won't breach that trust placed within him.

“Why that date?” wondered the Doctor. “I don’t recall anything happening in that year. If it’s a requested date though, he must remember something and if my maths is right, and it usually always is then he would be early twenties." She rambled off. "Now my curiosity is peaked. Blackpool, June 15th, 1984 here we come.” shouted the Doctor with glee as she runs around the console selecting different levers and buttons.

Yaz walks up to Ryan, taking note of his serious expression. “There’s more to this, isn’t there? I can tell, you look nervous. What’s really going on?”

Ryan looks down at Yaz, he takes his time to answer. “I worry about him, this month, July, it’s a bad one for him. I can’t tell you why and to do so would be a betrayal of his trust. You and the Doctor, you’ve only known him for a few months. There are things he hasn’t told you, not that he doesn’t trust or care for you. He does, it’s just... it takes him a while to open up about this, and this subject, in particular, isn’t easy for him to talk about.” offers Ryan with a sad expression. "I ain't saying more."

Yas accepts this answer. She knows that whatever Graham wants to show them, it will explain everything. She’ll just have to wait.

* * *

 

A train ride and a taxi later and Graham is stood in a deserted cemetery near an old gravestone. The man, his name, his birth date. September 15th, 1960. And his death, July 3rd, 1985. He kneels down and places the flowers he’s holding near it. Blue, Red, and Yellow. The colours of his football team, the colours of the badge that he wears on his jacket.

“I have so much to tell you, love, and I’m sure you’re up there right now, chatting with Grace, smiling down on me. And she’s probably told you so much already but I got more to tell you myself.” Graham mumured as he takes a seat on the ground. He runs his hand over the old Gravestone and tells of his adventures, the sights of the future and the injustice of the past. He lays it all out, his heart open to his world.

He stands up, legs aching from sitting on the grass for so long, slight dampness from the grass but he hardly cares for that. “I will never stop loving you, and I will never stop loving Grace. You were both taken from me, one from an evil on Earth and the other, not of this world but I carry you both with me, at all times. Here.” he takes out the frog necklace, brushing his fingers on it. “And here.” as he touches the badge. “Until next year.”

It’s time to head back to the train station, back to Sheffield and back to Ryan and as he turns and walks away, his tears flow freely.

* * *

 

A little while later, The Doctor, Yas, and Ryan exit the TARDIS and into a street, loud music is playing and people are dancing and celebrating. The Doctor pulls out her sonic and starts to scan while Yaz, her police training kicking in, takes note of how people are dressed, the multiple colours, the men embracing each other and the women dancing together. She comes to the answer before the Doctor can finish her scan.

“This is a pride parade.” exclaimed Yaz suddenly. “Why has Graham asked us to go to a pride parade?”

Ryan stops and looks around, finally realising why his Grandad asked him to go to this date. He steadies himself with a breath. “We should head towards the tower, I have a feeling that that is where he wants us to go,” said Ryan already heading off in the direction of the tower.

“Ryan, what aren’t you telling us?” yelled The Doctor. She turns to Yaz. “What isn’t he telling us? What’s so special about this date? He knows something, you two were talking.” The Doctor is worried and concerned for Graham and now, equally for Ryan.

“I’m not sure Doctor, but I reckon to find out we should follow him,” replied Yaz, running to catch up to Ryan’s retreating form.

 

The three of them come out onto the street just in front of the tower, the Doctor and Yaz watching Ryan as he scans the crowd. People jostling into them as they move to pass them in a happy cheer. Twenty minutes pass, the crowd a lot thinner now and the majority have moved further into the town, perhaps they were too early or too late. He opens his mouth to tell The Doctor this but is interrupted by a, unknown male voice.

“Hello, sorry to hassle you but I was wondering if one of you could take a picture of me and..” he stops and smiles “My partner.” he looks towards a man, standing a bit further away leaning on the sea barrier. “I like your shirt by the way.” he gestures towards the Doctor’s rainbow top. “I thought with the colours that you might be more inclined to take our picture.” he has a camera around his neck.

Ryan just watches the newcomer with recognition, this is the man from the photograph. He eyes turn towards the strangers back and his breath catches in his throat, he wants to run over, make the man look at him, to confirm, but he’s rooted to the spot.

The Doctor and Yaz however smile at the newcomer just as he continues. “This is the first event we have attended together, I’ve been to them before but my partner is new to this. I made him come along, he needed to realise that our love isn’t wrong, regardless of what his extended family say.” he stops and stares sadly his partners back. “His parents they accepted him, after a long and arduous conversation but the rest of his family, they said that they didn’t want a relative like him.” after a moment he turns back towards the Team. “Family is important, and to him, it was all that mattered.”

Yaz stares at the poor guy with his back to her. She was lucky that her entire family were more willing to understand and Ryan was lucky to have his Nan and Graham to support him, but the guy in front of her has just lost his family for something he couldn’t control.

The Doctor looks at the strangers back, she knows it gets better in the future but to this man, today is now and the future is a lot further away. He doesn’t get the luxury of going to the future as Ryan and Yaz has, he has to live through it and she wonders if he even survives what's to come, that horrendous illness. And she’s angry that they all have to suffer now and she can’t do anything to help, can't because time won't allow her to interfere.

“So, will you take it? I borrowed this camera from a friend, we don’t have many pictures of us together. Not like the one I want to take today anyway.” said the man, sadly.

The Doctor being dragged from her thoughts steps forward “Of course, I’ll be honoured to take your picture together.” she smiles at him, she would be truly honoured.

The man beams at her before turning yelling to his partner. “Graham, I found some people to take our picture, so get your ass over here.” he smiles brightly just as The Doctor and Yaz, freeze at the name, eyes going wide.

Ryan hears Yaz whisper to the Doctor “It can’t be, can it?” Ryan tunes them out as he watches the younger version of his Grandad turn around and walk forward.

“You honestly don’t have to do this.” said the younger version of Graham. “You’re not the first he asked today... But everyone else has been too busy for us. He wanted a picture in front of the tower. I told him it wasn’t all that important.” said Graham, looking away, and kicking at the floor with his hands in his pockets.

“Nonsense, she’s agreed anyway, so get in front of that tower Graham O’Brien.” said the man, lightly pushing him and getting a small smile in response from Graham. the use of his last name confirms Yaz' and the Doctor's suspicion.

The pair don’t take their eyes from each other while the Doctor takes their photo with a sad smile on her face. This was what he wanted to show them, for whatever reason he wanted her to see this, for her to take their picture. She realises that it doesn’t last, she can see how in love they are if it lasted he wouldn't have married Grace. Her hearts bleed for him, to lose not one but two people. Ah Graham, it explains so much... why he wanted to take revenge, she guesses and she judged him without knowing his past. She never asked what he did before, so used to travelling with younger people, she never gave his long years a seconds thought.

They watch as the pair lean their foreheads against each other, her human friends can’t hear him but the Doctor does, she hears the young version of Graham whisper “I love you, you daft man.” before kissing him upon the lips lightly.

Yaz watches as Ryan turns towards the sea. He knows more to this story, and when she turns back to the pair she sees them pull away from each other, love written on their faces.

Ryan truly wishes he could warn them, but he knows he can’t. Instead, he's gets to watch them walk away, gets to watch the man with a death sentence on his head walk away with his Grandad, in love, and both completely unaware of what’s to come.

When they’re finally back in the TARDIS, Ryan finally speaks up. “He dies, the man... he dies. July 3rd, 1985, aged 25. From that disease. That’s why Graham didn’t want to come today, he still loves him, he always will, as he’ll always love my Nan.”

“He knew, didn’t he?” asked The Doctor. “He knew I took that picture. That’s why he asked us to come.”

Ryan doesn’t respond, he just sits down with his head in his hands. Yaz joins him, while the Doctor leans on the console, there's a lot to process today.

“Where is he now?” asked Yas.

“Layton Cemetery, Blackpool, he goes there every year. The last few, he took my Nan with him. He said he had a lot to tell him today.”

The Doctor walks over to the display screen and sends the TARDIS back to her usual parking space in Sheffield, they arrive just as the sun is setting and after a few minutes there’s a knock on the TARDIS doors and they all look up as they open, revealing a weary and tired Graham.

Ryan stands and walks over to his Grandad, pulling him into a tight hug, The Doctor looks down, eyes heavy with grief for her friend.

“I’m so sorry Graham.” conforted Yaz, her eyes wet.

Ryan lets Graham go and steps back. Graham clears his throat and they wait for him to talk.

“We spent the months after that, in love, we did everything together but one day he collapsed at work... we went to the hospital and got the news, we had friends diagnosed, we knew what it meant. They tested me, said I was fine,” said Graham, shrugging. “He never once stopped smiling, you know, he smiled to the very end. We went back, the year after. He was very weak, but he was determined to go, said he’ll always love me and that I should start loving myself more. He died shortly after, another statistic in the end. Demonised simply for loving a man.”

“He seemed a fantastic man.” said The Doctor.

“He was, we had five years together,” replied Graham. “Not enough, it’s never is enough you know.”

They stand in silence before Graham speaks again. “Next time, you should come with me, we can share our stories together with him. And Grace, lord knows they’re both up there causing all sort of trouble,” said Graham, with a sad but a more hopeful-looking smile on his face. He might not love again, not like he loved Grace and him, but if he does he'll be sure to love them just as much.

“Nan and him up there together? Have mercy on them all.” laughed Ryan, wrapping his arm around his Grandads shoulder. They have each other, and Ryan knows Graham will be there for him, through everything the universe throws at him. The least he can do is be there for him during July and October.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have a beta reader, so any mistakes please point them out :) I've reread it multiple times but I'm dyslexic so it can be a bit difficult to notice after reading.


End file.
